Thursday 27 May 2010

Will a new happy beginning ever begin?Will I see light at the end of the tunnel?

Dear God,
Thank you for creating me, for blessing me with such wonderful parents, an amazing sister, understanding husband, adjusting in-laws, opportunity to study in one of the most prestigious institutes in the country, working in one of the best organisations in the world, financially sound , decent health, what else and what not..Touch Wood, and Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times.
Do you have plans of blessing me(us) with a healthy happy baby? Do I fall in that inside category? How long are you planning to make me suffer like this? For how long should I be wistfully looking into all those mommies? For how long should I be contantly living in my dreams? What sins have I committed that you are punishing me like this? While I vent out like above, I have not forgotten that fact that are umpteen, (read millions) of your own creation that are suufeering harder than I am, who have been asking these questions to you for generations ..I havent forgotten that fact. God, please forgive my sins, show me the path , guide me in the path of truth, guide me before I tend to make any mistake, i put myself into thy feet, you be the speaker of my words, you be the thinker of my thoughts and you be the doer of my deeds, I surrender myself to you, please bless me.
Thank you for everything,

Friday 21 May 2010

Happy Birthday to Hd

Hubby dear turns a year wiser, younger.. I wish him a wonderful year with good health, success at work, and blessings form Almighty that he gets promoted to a dad!!. Next year, I wish he celebrates his birthday as a new daddy .

Thursday 20 May 2010

It pricks, it haunts..

Yes, everytime someone passes on some shloka, asking my mom to go look out for some horoscope reader, go to some temples, do this and do that, it hurts, it pricks a, it haunts, it sends in a tremor in me..even when I'm placating myself that everything is happening for good, and God will bless me with a child and I need to just put all my burdens on Him and just Trust Him, when people around comment /talk/suggest,it becomes natural for me to get into a depressive mood, to doubt, to ask if I will be blessed, to have a rough conversation with God as to why cant he open his eyes, what sims did i do to go through all this, why cant he forgive my sins ..

I'm quite happy that many in the blogsphere are going to be second time mommy's and I long to join their club.

There is a tag that I want to do myself: 30 thinsg to do before 30, but for now I would like to start with 5 thinsg to do before i turn 30:
1) Become a mother
2) Juggle work , home and kids with the right attitude and maturity
3) Become an expert cook who can cook deliciously (me thinks I already cook healthy food, so not specifically including it here) for kid, husband, mil , parents and sis
4) Mould myself and not worry too much about future, live in the present and enjoy the present.
5) Indulge myself in some materialistic stuff (which I havent done so far !)

Anyone is willing to take up this tag , rather re-do this tag again and check if theire opinions/preferences have changed with time.

Tuesday 11 May 2010

Happy Mothers day!

The blogging bug is slowly beginning to bite me and its good that it helps me come out of this self induced laziness zone. Happy Mothers Day to my amma, my husband's amma, and to all mothers out there. I hope, wish and pray that I too become a mother, be a part of this "inside" circle, belong to this blessed group next mothers day! God, I hope u r listeneing me!
Nothing much happeneing, with the usual routine of work, get home, prepare for next day, and wait for weekedn, and before you know it, weekend whizzes past and there, is another week to face. Many a times, I get bored with this usual grind, hoping and wishing when i would have a baby, thinking what could be the reason for my plight(an not finding any answers), resolving to live life as it comes, to take things as they are. Over time, I've come to realise how hardships in life has moulded me, how I've come to feel myself in the other person's shoes, how things happen just as they are destined to, how inspite of things being already determined, one should continuously carry on ones duty etc..ok ok..all these thoughts do pop up when I'm collected and composed.But many times, I get into the depression mode, where in I start feeling why should I suffer like this, why cant God bless us witha child, what paavam did I do to suffer like this, will there be a solution for this at all, will I be able to carry and deliver a healthy and a happy baby..and many many questions like these..

I'm a person who always tries to correlate things, tries to find out what /which could be the reason for some happening, ( i can hear someone asking me: are you trying to reason out God's doings?? hahhaha..All the Best!!) , so offlate (read: last 1.5 years), I've started thinking if being in this team is also one of the reasons . Yeah, till last week, none in our team(read:ladies) had babies, two of them still unmarried..So,I was almost sure that changing team would help and I could try changing team or changing companies. Last week, (oh wah..what a coincidence..the Monday after Mothers Day!) one lady joined and I overheard her telling another teammate that she is carrying. But I wasnt very sure, so to confirm if what I heard was true or not, I gave a look at her stomach whenvere possible(how difficult is it to ask right on her face??) , then tried to make stories whenever she took a nap in the noons..Finally, I got the answer today. She is a blessed mother to a 8 month old baby boy. And not only did I get the answer to my doubt, I also felt very relieved and happy. Yes, because she is sitting next to me, and I secretly wish , hope and pray that I get the blessing to become a mother next ,and the timing of her coming to our team is very appropriate..As we are now trying and I have strong hopes and feelings that Iw ill get conceieved very soon and we will be blessed with our child very very soon. Mind does work in crazy/weired ways, but I'm looking forsomething positive, something nice to happen,so my mind is constantly wandering in sreach of this blessing.