Letter to HIM

Lord , I'm not going to ask you why me, because you have plans for every being that you'd created, you are the supreme power, you know what to give to whom and when..I neither have any right nor any power to change anything in this world or in this life. God, you riwll prevails in this world. As it goes "Your will be done on earth". Your will be done on me too. God, you've shown me time and again that whatever I think,plan or act, its your plans that get executed. God, please dont punsih me further. For whatever mistakes and sins that I've done, please do forgive me. I'm done innumerable sins in this present life and an sure would have done several, several sins in previosu births. I do want to change myself. I'm repenting for my sins. I've no one other than you to ask, to beg, to plead, to cajole, to coax. Lord, its getting very painful. I'm not able to bear it anymore. Pleas relieve me of this pain. Please..Whom shall I ask if not from thee, where shall i knock, it it is not at the door of thy sacred heart, who is there for me? Only you know what i undergo every day, every moment. I want to repent for my sins. Please do forgive me, please dont forsake me. I'm your creation too. Please show mercy on me. Please give me the strength and the power to tackle all the situations that you put me into. Please give me the strength and energy to go through this life that you've blessed me with. Right now, I find myself drained out of energy. Help me stand up from my crumbling position. Help me god,i'm really in need of you. Guide me with your grace, for I've no clue as to how to proceed. God, I'm extremely scared. Please brighten the path with your divine light so that I may be able to walk.Everytime I try to stand up form a difficult situation, you put me down. This time, please , please show me your hands that I can hold and get up. Sometimes, I think , had you wanted, you could've put in more dire situatiosn that whatever I've faced. I understand that if you wanted you could've punished me harder for all the crimes that i've commited. But you didnt. You are an embodiment of sympathy and forgiveness that you chose not to beat me harder. I thank you immensely for the kindness. In my small mind, I'm of the impression that all , everything has its beginning and an end, be it animate objects, inanimate ones, be it problems. I'm not sure if this is correct or not. If this were true, I also believe and hope that the troubles that you've put me through also has an end .
You know the efforst that i put in being optimistic, how i try to get up, be positive and chnage myself in these circumstances. You know how in seeing each and every pregnant woman, how my heart aches to get pregnant, you know how it feels when people talk about me front and back , about my condition and the state I'm in, you know how i cope up with these, you know how i've put in my best efforst(though there is a long way to go further) to let go off few of my silly attitude ,you know how i cringe when people talk of children, you know how i find it shameful and embarassing to meet anyone or go to any function, you know i wriggle in pain when people ask the number of years i'm married or if i have any kids , directly or indirectly, you know when i cry, when i pour out, when i'm hopeful, when i feel like dying, you know every iota of what i go through. I still believe that you have plans for every signle creation this world and I have no authority to comment or even try to change any plan that you have. Please give me the strength, courage, stamina and energy to rise up and please do, for I have no idea where forsake me, please allow me to hold your fingers.
Thansk you for all that you'be blessed me with, for everything, for everything,for EVERYTHING, from head to toe, to everyting physical, emotional, abstract, materialistic.