abcdef

Seven days of positivity day7

1) I'm thankful that I was able to vocalise my thoughts during the meeting at office.

2) I'm thankful for the rains

3) I'm thankful that mil has prepared everything for tomorow's puja and HD has agred to buy the 1/2 stuff that is yet to be bought.

4)I'm thankful that I've been able to do this post tag for all seven days

5)I'm thankful that HD is willing to take me abroad inspite of the hefty flight tickets.

Seven days of positivity: day 5

1) I'm thankful that I've been able to find out a work around for the bug which I thought could not be fixed. (I'm reiterated the fact that if one door closes, there are (is) other ones that are wide open!)

2) I'm thankful that Hd is back from his trip.He had been out of town only for two days, but the two days were like years to me.

3) I'm thankful for the cool weather in the city I live in.

4)I'm thankful that I was able to go to the temple, round Lord Ganesha for 21 times as mom said, went to the fruit shop to buy fruits and inspite of the the other mind was insisting on getting back home, I dragged myself to the goshala and fed the cows.

5) I'm thankful for the time (read free) I get in office these days which I can use for learning

Seven days of positivity: day4

1) I'm thankful for the fact that I'm able to come over to this space and make an attempt to think about those that I'm grateful for and jot down here.If not for this exercise, I'm not sure if I would be thankful enough..

2) I'm thankful that I have a job and I'm able to put the brains to use , if not always, atleast most of the times. I'm also thankful that with this income, I'm able to spend on quality food.

3) I'm thankful to have a colleague who gives a missed call every single day a few minutes before the bus would arrive at my stp. If not for the missed call, everyday would end up in a race with time..I'm also grateful that the company bus comes right at my door step and I need not walk far to catch the bus and the transport to nd fro from the office has become much simpler, inspite of the distance.

4) I'm grateful for a colleague (a new one to the company who tarvels in the same bus as I) who graciously accepted to seat himself in the third seat instead of his usual second one. When I told him that I'm having problems (because of the bumpy roads and the rash driving) sitting in the 3rd seat and if he could leave the second seat for me, he accepted immediately. I dont know your name(I'll make it a point to get your good name tomorow), but I thank you , Mr whole heartedly.

5) I'm thankful that the laptop did not suffer any injury when it fell down from the seat in the bus (though the active key got a major change in form, but still, it works in its weired posture). Else,I'll have to spend a day or two reapiring the same.Thank you laptop and active key!! If not for you, I wouldn't have been able to complete this post today.

Seven days of positivity: Day 3

I can feel how difficult it can be to stay positive, nevertheless, I'm enjoying the ride and would like to challenge myself and raise the bar every single day to think , talk and act positively.

Here are the five things for which I'm grateful for today:

1) I had a good nap (read sleep) for 3 straight hours. I'm thankful that I'm able to take rest whenever I want to (most of the times)

2) For having the time to read. (Currently, I'm reading Stones into Schools)

3) For having the opportunity waht great parents I'm blessed with in comparison with parents of someone else's..

4) For accquiring the wisdom to ignore those that disturb me and whose actions irritate me.

5) For having the "let me give it a try" attitude I'm blessed with.

Seven days of positivity : Day 2

The five things for which I'm grateful and thankful for today are:

1) For having a SIL who came over today to help with cooking for guests (when she herself was meant to be a guest for lunch)

2) For being able to dine at Chilies and shell out a good amount on the bill

3) for having the luxury to buy a car and the freedom to choose the car of my choice.

4) For a great gynaecologist who is very hopeful, positive and optimistic that I would conceiev very soon and that she could support me with good medicines and such and for reassuring that I'm normal and that I'll be able to deliver a happy and a healthy baby.

5) I'm thankful that I'm now trying (and even implementing) to ignore those that disturb me and try to just let go.I'm thankful that some force is enabling me to change , for the better.

See ya tomorow

Positivity Galore - Day 1

Seeing the "Seven days of positivity " post on Preeti's (none other than the Just a mother of two fame Preeti Shenoy) blog and in someone elses' too yesterday (which happens to be the second day) , I've been in a dilema whether to take it up or as usual another part of my mind (the evil one) , the lazy one, had the excuse that "it is going to be difficult, can i do it 7 days in a row , it salready second day, i've missed the first day, so, let me do it some other time(as if I would have taken it had I seen the post on the first day itself!!!, Finally, now, I've decided to give a dman to my procastinating and lethargic attitude and give it a try..

If a post on positivity can influence a slothful being like me, then, imagine how much being positive most of the times (at this point, i dont believe in being positive and hopeful every moment of our lives is possible at all..Probably, I would change in due course, but for now, I cant come to terms with leading a life that is full of optimism and gratitude , at all times, even at times of utmost difficulty) can change one's life for the better.

Here are the five things that I'm most grateful for today and always:

1) For blessing me with wonderful , amazing, great, parents. When I become a mother, if I can try to emulate a small percentage of the affection and love showered on us, numerous sacrifices that they have mdae so that our needs and wants are met, the patience with which they have endured many a harsh words from us, hope and confidence they instil in us, and being a pillar/rock of support for us , I would be happy with myself.

2) For my little sister..(When did she grow up? Is it the same lil bundle that I saw a few hours after her birth has grown an inch taller than me now? )She is the one who has brought in adundant happiness to our family, she is the one who has brough in Godess Lakshmi along with her. You brought a meaning to my childhood and now, for the last few years, when I'm undergoing a difficult time in life, you are the one who is giving sensible, practical advice . I love you appu.

3) For a great husband. Yes, there, I've said it. For all your love , support , for enduring the numerous temper tantrums that I throw up (hey, its for you to be ready for the tantrums that our kid will do), for having been patient through the initial years, for giving me the space to be myself , for not enforcing any rules on me, I'm grateful. You are the Best! I love you appu!!

4) For understanding in-laws .I shall edit this point may be later..But,many time,s I do understand how fortunate I've been in having a mil who provides us with delicious food every single day, for allowing me to sleep till mid-morning, for taking care of our house and keeping it spic and span, for relieving me the burden to having to juggle home and work..Thank you mil .

5) For well-meaning friends..Though they are only a handful of them, I'm grateful for having a relationship where in I can talk to him/her after a gap of many years and still begin from where we left.For the hope and optimism, for the courage, for pointing out my flaws, for the advices,for giving me a chance to learn for your ingherent goodness, I'm priviledged to be friends with you all , Suvi, Kalai, Aish,Preethi and Baalu.

6) I'm grateful for this human life bestowed on me. Thank you Almighty.

7) Preeti, thank you starting this and being a reason for spreading optimism and cheer.

8) I'm also feeling happy that I was able to complete this post..This achievement(of writing this post)has gone deep inside and now I'm not in a confused state as I was atthe beginning of the day.

The not so womanly things in me

This is a tag that I'm picking up and here it goes:

1) I do not visit the beauty parlour. Infact, I've visited the parlour only for my wedding.

2) I wonder how people use lipsticks, eyelines, mascaras, day in and day out. I dont have a wee bit interest in them. I dont wear high heels. Dont own more than 2 pairs of sandals at a time.

3) I'm a casual dresser. I dont concenterate too much on what I wear or how I look.

4) I have driven a vehicle (TVS50 to be excat) with 4 people in the pillion seat.

5)I was the official grocery buyer, provision buyer, etc.Have not eneterd kitchen before marriage.

6) Have travelled alone, in buses whose name boards I couldnt read, in buses where I was the only female travelling, boarded and travelled in a train from Delhi to my native without a ticket!!

7) I cringe to take money from Hd. I would rather not buy anything for myself if I cannot afford it, than using his money in indulging for the same.

8) I dont use handbags. Have always used wallets meant to be used by men. Dont own womanly purses.

9) Get angry very often (i think traditionally, its the privilege of men to get bouts of anger every now and then).

10) I have a loud voice,i should make conscious effort to speak softly or should be admist starngers so that the vocal chords dont open up too much.

11) During my childhood, have been adamant to wear pattu pavadai and my parents (dad especially) have cajoled me very hard to make me accept to wear the long skirt. Have preferred boyish dresses during primary years. And now, (4 kazhutha vayasu ana appuram), I yearn to wear pattu pavadai, half skirt for which I'm too old now.

12) I'm not a compulsive shopper, and cant retain interest in shopping for more than an hour or max two.

I'm impressed

at how literally every other blog that I put my eyes on has been written so impressively exhibiting a total command and fluency in the language. And for me, I compose a lot of posts, not really posts, but matter to say in my head, but when I sit down to type, I'm at loss of ideas or words.Has anyone had this kinda feeling or am I the one who is inadequate in expressing ?

Heres to new beginnings..

Yes, another resolution from now on..(from a couple of hours ago) . Today, and Many many times so far in my life, I've scolded my mother and later have regretted for it and resolved not to commit the mistake again, but have never succeeded so far. But, today, inspite of one part of me telling me to control my angre, the devil part took over and I shouted at my mom for something as simple as 10K.(HDFC Insurance matter..noting down for posterity). I told something which any child should never tell his/her mother. I realised my mistake and asked for her forgiveness, as as usual , she behaved like a TRUE mother..Inspite of me scolding her with many bad words, fighting with her, she has never , never once scolded or even raised her voice.Amma, YOU ARE THE BEST . There is no one, can be no one who can even be compared 1% with you. And after making phone calls and talking to her, today is Airtel Super singer Junior 2's final rounds and thats when my favourite contestant Shravan sund "uyirum Neeye Uravum Neeye Thaye..". This increased my guilt and I my mind wandered between wanting to pray to God, ask for his forgiveness and not knowing what to do (just wanted to go back and change that single moment when anger overtook me). Amma,you have done many many many many trillions of things ,emotionally, materialistically for us and you have accepted all our vents, you are the one who even now worries about my problems in the office , and many many things which I'm unable to quote here (mind not working you see, at 11PM), amma, for everything , no amount of anything can convey my gratitude to you. Amma, you are the bestest. I love you. Please forgive me, I will not behave like how I did today.

Here's to new beginnings

Yup,I'm not gonna fight with HD from today onwards.Hey, but wait..what kind of a marriag it is if the husband and wife does not fight at all? So, let me rephrase the above sentence..Yes, I'm not gonnu be the one whos gonna start the fight..(stress on the words..START) and I'm going to try to be patient when I sense something is going to cause the volcano erupt..After all, HD is the sweet husband that anyone can ever get..And I'm going to follow (atleast try to) what he said this morning..DOnt talk too much..So, here,I'm going to log my behaviour.Lets see. God, will you please help me and readers(if there are any), send me your good wishes..

Ok, In order to get out of the laziness, I'm now doing this tag out of a whim..I havent thought much about the answers, I'm going to just pen down whatever come to my mind first..May be, some time later, I shall pick up the same tag again, think it over and then answer..But for now, here it goes:

If I were a month, I would be September.Its the month of my birth, festive season starts this month, I feel a hope for all new things and new beginnings.

If I were a day of the week,I would be Friday. Its the day when I go to temple, when I light diyas with the hope that all is well and all will be well and when I beg the Good Lord for His Blessings.Its the day when I feel relived from the thought of not getting up early for the next 2 days, of rest and relaxation.

If I were a time of day, I would be 8:00 PM. Thats when I look forward to the couple of TV serilas that I watch, look forward to my HD , turn the antenna n my ears to every car sound that I hear guessing if i would be Hd.

If I were a season,I would be Spring.Cool, breezy, romantic..

If I were a planet, I would be earth..I love the green and blue of the earth

If I were a sea animal,I would be dolphin.Dont know many sea animals, love the pictures that HD had taken at Sea World ..

If I were a direction,I would be North..wanting to progress upwards in thoughts , words, deeds, wanting to be the cool northern region, for North America.

If I were a piece of furniture,ofcourse, would be BED.Have spent a larger part of my married life in bed, what with eating, reading, talking, crying , dreaming, wishfully jotting down details of what I would do as a mon, and ofcourse, sleeping.

If I were a liquid, I would be Milkshake..Just cant resist having (or wanting to drink) a not so cold glass of thick milkshake(preferrably, apricot, chikku or apple)

If I were a tree, I would love to be plantain tree, whose every part is useful, needs lesser maintainence(a bunch of them are growing in my garden without us maintaing it. Thank you trees for that! You growth instills a confidence and hope in me that yes, I'm fertile too and yes, I can bear a child too)

If I were a tool, I would be a magic wand..with its ability to turn anything that you wish to be true.

If I were an element,I would be earth..in which life thrives..

If I were a gemstone, I would be rubies..bright, sparkly, because of the gorgeous necklace that I own.

If I were a musical instrument, I would be piano..always had a fascination for it..

If I were a color, I would love to be BLUE..My favourite color since childhood days til now

If I were a emotion, I would be joy! yes, I would like to be happy and see that everyone is happy..Sarve jana Sukino Bhavantu

If I were a fruit,Apple..An apple a day keeps the Doctor away..(a couple of years ago, it would have benn chikku)

If I were a sound, I would be the sound of the giggles, laughter of a baby..I so much yearn to hold a baby, cuddle it and bask in the laughter of the baby..My baby, please come to me and your dadda soon..

If I were a car, I would be any Sedan..for the comfort and luxury and the style statement that it has to offer..But, at heart, I would love to be tata Indica..Its my HD's and my dad's car..

If I were food, I would be curd rice..Amrutham..

If I were a taste, I would be the taste of a well made carrot halwa

If I were a scent, I would be the scent of sandal wood..rich, soothing..

If I were a pair of shoes, I would be the cute nike sneakers

If I were a bird, I would be phoenix..rising from the ashes, flying high and conquering..

If I were to tag people, I would tag whoever wants to take up this tag..

I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to having a bloggers block, wanting to start a blog, be ragular in it, make friends in virtual world..There are many people out there who want to do all of these..So, all you, out there, who have been thinking or planning to start a blog, take this tag and may this tag be the beginning of a lifetime of blogging experience.

Will a new happy beginning ever begin?Will I see light at the end of the tunnel?

Dear God,
Thank you for creating me, for blessing me with such wonderful parents, an amazing sister, understanding husband, adjusting in-laws, opportunity to study in one of the most prestigious institutes in the country, working in one of the best organisations in the world, financially sound , decent health, what else and what not..Touch Wood, and Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times.
Do you have plans of blessing me(us) with a healthy happy baby? Do I fall in that inside category? How long are you planning to make me suffer like this? For how long should I be wistfully looking into all those mommies? For how long should I be contantly living in my dreams? What sins have I committed that you are punishing me like this? While I vent out like above, I have not forgotten that fact that are umpteen, (read millions) of your own creation that are suufeering harder than I am, who have been asking these questions to you for generations ..I havent forgotten that fact. God, please forgive my sins, show me the path , guide me in the path of truth, guide me before I tend to make any mistake, i put myself into thy feet, you be the speaker of my words, you be the thinker of my thoughts and you be the doer of my deeds, I surrender myself to you, please bless me.
Thank you for everything,

Happy Birthday to Hd

Hubby dear turns a year wiser, younger.. I wish him a wonderful year with good health, success at work, and blessings form Almighty that he gets promoted to a dad!!. Next year, I wish he celebrates his birthday as a new daddy .

It pricks, it haunts..

Yes, everytime someone passes on some shloka, asking my mom to go look out for some horoscope reader, go to some temples, do this and do that, it hurts, it pricks a, it haunts, it sends in a tremor in me..even when I'm placating myself that everything is happening for good, and God will bless me with a child and I need to just put all my burdens on Him and just Trust Him, when people around comment /talk/suggest,it becomes natural for me to get into a depressive mood, to doubt, to ask if I will be blessed, to have a rough conversation with God as to why cant he open his eyes, what sims did i do to go through all this, why cant he forgive my sins ..

I'm quite happy that many in the blogsphere are going to be second time mommy's and I long to join their club.

There is a tag that I want to do myself: 30 thinsg to do before 30, but for now I would like to start with 5 thinsg to do before i turn 30:
1) Become a mother
2) Juggle work , home and kids with the right attitude and maturity
3) Become an expert cook who can cook deliciously (me thinks I already cook healthy food, so not specifically including it here) for kid, husband, mil , parents and sis
4) Mould myself and not worry too much about future, live in the present and enjoy the present.
5) Indulge myself in some materialistic stuff (which I havent done so far !)

Anyone is willing to take up this tag , rather re-do this tag again and check if theire opinions/preferences have changed with time.

Happy Mothers day!

The blogging bug is slowly beginning to bite me and its good that it helps me come out of this self induced laziness zone. Happy Mothers Day to my amma, my husband's amma, and to all mothers out there. I hope, wish and pray that I too become a mother, be a part of this "inside" circle, belong to this blessed group next mothers day! God, I hope u r listeneing me!
Nothing much happeneing, with the usual routine of work, get home, prepare for next day, and wait for weekedn, and before you know it, weekend whizzes past and there, is another week to face. Many a times, I get bored with this usual grind, hoping and wishing when i would have a baby, thinking what could be the reason for my plight(an not finding any answers), resolving to live life as it comes, to take things as they are. Over time, I've come to realise how hardships in life has moulded me, how I've come to feel myself in the other person's shoes, how things happen just as they are destined to, how inspite of things being already determined, one should continuously carry on ones duty etc..ok ok..all these thoughts do pop up when I'm collected and composed.But many times, I get into the depression mode, where in I start feeling why should I suffer like this, why cant God bless us witha child, what paavam did I do to suffer like this, will there be a solution for this at all, will I be able to carry and deliver a healthy and a happy baby..and many many questions like these..

I'm a person who always tries to correlate things, tries to find out what /which could be the reason for some happening, ( i can hear someone asking me: are you trying to reason out God's doings?? hahhaha..All the Best!!) , so offlate (read: last 1.5 years), I've started thinking if being in this team is also one of the reasons . Yeah, till last week, none in our team(read:ladies) had babies, two of them still unmarried..So,I was almost sure that changing team would help and I could try changing team or changing companies. Last week, (oh wah..what a coincidence..the Monday after Mothers Day!) one lady joined and I overheard her telling another teammate that she is carrying. But I wasnt very sure, so to confirm if what I heard was true or not, I gave a look at her stomach whenvere possible(how difficult is it to ask right on her face??) , then tried to make stories whenever she took a nap in the noons..Finally, I got the answer today. She is a blessed mother to a 8 month old baby boy. And not only did I get the answer to my doubt, I also felt very relieved and happy. Yes, because she is sitting next to me, and I secretly wish , hope and pray that I get the blessing to become a mother next ,and the timing of her coming to our team is very appropriate..As we are now trying and I have strong hopes and feelings that Iw ill get conceieved very soon and we will be blessed with our child very very soon. Mind does work in crazy/weired ways, but I'm looking forsomething positive, something nice to happen,so my mind is constantly wandering in sreach of this blessing.

To quit job or not

I'm in a dilema, whether to quit job or not. Work is becoming more streeful off-late.At this point of time, when we rae planning to go the family way, I dont want to take stress. I want to give birth to a happy and a healthy baby! There I said it..But, the thought of not earning (since I've been earning even before passing out of college, while I was an intern), not able to see the bank balance grow, need to think before spending (not that I dont think now, while earning).I'm neither a shopaholic nor a spendthrift. I feel I can manage not working too. Once I conceive, I will anyway quit unless the office wants me to work from home. God, please help me make up my mind and take a decision that is good for me
Thanks!

Work is ........... me

Yes, I said it right..
Work _ _ _ _ _.
I would like to educate my boss the following:

1) No company/no team depends on the success or failure of one person or the work that a single individual does.
2) What was the manager doing all through one full year when there were problems? When one problem got resolved, he relaxed as did the engineer, only till the next problem cropped up and loomed into gigantic proportions. If an engineer is not able to solve the problem, why didnt the manager put somebody else in his/her place or why didnt he ask someone else to help the person who is in trouble?
3) Is the goal to solve the problem or to judge one's capabilities. For the latter, there is always an focal point review where one is rated/judged. What about finding the solution for the problem?
4) Pull out the weekly meeting notes to find out what was planned every week and what was executed.
5) What is the point of doing retro? when no action is taken from the learnings? Right from beginning, it was told that there was no documentation available. Wehn documentation was made available, there was no one to take a look at it. Why was no review done in the last one year?

Answer the above before blaming it on an individual,Mr.Boss

Poruthaar Bhoomi Aalwaar..

I'm searching for the person whoever coined this proverb..In that case, I think I should be the ruler of the world..(I know every other individual will think that he/she has to be ruler of the world)
I was patient was last 4 years, now I'm finding it very difficult to wait for another 10 days when I would know the pregnancy test results. I'm hoping , wishing and praying that this cycle, we are blessed with our miracle and our bundle of joy! Learning from my experiences and from the various discourses that I've attended and various inspiring and uplifting blogs and material that I've read, have become more and more patient, conditioned and mature to take things as they come, not to get too anxious, realised that there are not too many things in our control, and that nature and time (GOD) will always do the best for each oen of us.Though I've become accustomed, still, it becomes a tad too difficult at times, (like yday and today) when I'm down, feel lost and have a not so good feeling, worried about the uncertainity, confused about what God wants to test me, irritated about what on life have I done to face such difficulties..But still, something inward tells me that a good nesa and a cute little bundle of joy will come to our home very soon..very very soon.I might be pregnant already,God, are you listening,?

Them and Us

Read this post at Inba's blog, and am prompted to jot this down rightw aya without postpoing for another good day as I do always.
Yes, during my growing up years, I vivdly remember my mother putting a budget every month and very much living with in the budget. With my father being the single earning member of the family, supporting aged parents, getting my fathers sister married off, and compensating for the dowry to the elder sister who was married a good 10 years ago ,all this with a private job, (not a position with Ambani or Tatas, but with a small transport company down south), earning a couple of thousands (Appa, is it 1K or 2K?)..
While my dad works tirelessly, my mom knows how best to manage the house. As a newly married bride, she didnt ask (forget about demanding) all the little thrills one gets, be it going out for a movie, or to beach, or to any small vacations. She is the one who is truly the backbone to my dad , to our family . Only when tow hands collide, will sound emnate..So, Appa works sincerely, tirelessly, selflessly all for us daughters. He puts us before himself. During our countless hsopping trips, he will patiently choose stuff for us, without ever considering his needs..

Fast forward 25 years..Here I'm thinking for more than a year if I should quit my job and stay at home, take care of my health, get into family way, take a break from career for a few years till the baby goes to play school, but still undecided..Though I seem to proclaim every now and then to BH that I'm mentally prepared to take a break from career, deep within, I still have doubts if I'm "really" ok to quit the job. EMI,insurance, shopping trips, mobile bills, dedicing to spend for stuff at the drop of a hat, taking an auto/taxi for convenience sake instead of commuting by public transport, dining out , different kinds of oil to apply on my hair, how would I manage all this without earning..?? "m sure these necessities will be provided by BH, but still, i'm quite not fully at peace with the idea of quitting..I need money to be able to feel comfortable, to buy, give stuff to people to matter to me . To be able to feel confident ..I'm at great awe at my parents how they are able to manage stuff comfortably within their means.